Why do INFPs avoid eye contact?
Say, you’re stealing glances at your crush. While some INFJs would make brief eye contact with the person they’re interested in, other INFPs are the exact opposite. They would gaze away faster than Usain Bolt!
And my old boss talking to me? I nod in agreement, of course. But also hoped he didn’t catch my averting eyes.
Friends sharing their story? I’ll listen intently! Just don’t expect my eyes to be that attentive. We’ll bond through the ears, while my eyes dart to the ground.
Indeed, for some reason, I was scared of looking into people’s eyes. Not only do I feel dizzy, but making eye contact either feels like people drawing out my soul or them intruding into mine.
Now, the question is, why is that? Why do INFPs avoid eye contact? Is it an innate INFP trait?
Why do we even hide our beautiful, dreamy eyes??
In this post, I’ll try to clarify how INFPs feel during eye contact, why we avoid it, and how I have overcome it as an INFP.
Ready? Here we go!
Why Do INFPs Avoid Eye Contact?
“The eyes are the windows to the soul.”
For INFPs, this isn’t just poetic. They live this quote out. They experience an intimate connection with people through eye contact.
So instinctively, some INFPs perceive eye contact as an intrusive way to peek into people’s and their own hearts.
See, INFPs carry a whirlwind of emotions. And a mountain of secrets. They’re one of the most mysterious personalities in MBTI.
Dang, we’d even go to “Mission Impossible” lengths to protect our private life.
In my experience, for the sake of my reputation, I have physically wrestled with my high school classmates just to prevent them from reading my old fiction manuscripts.
Not proud of it but, yes, I have lied to cover up my failures and embarrassments. For example, I have told people I made a breakeven, when actually, I lost money in an investment, just to save face. Things like that.
Under the calm image, there’s is an inner turmoil among INFPs they always try to hide.
INFPs are one of the personalities that purposely want to keep you in the shadows about them.
So let me ask you a question. What secrets have you hidden from your family, friends, or even your partner?
Sadly, down the rabbit hole, I could see two factors why INFPs avert their eyes:
One, low self-esteem due to fear of judgment, fear of being revealed or seen, extreme self-consciousness, and fear of being perceived as wrong or bad (Fe Villain).
Two, inferiority complex and fear of being seen as stupid (Te inferior).
These factors are so ingrained, it’s already an automatic physical response among INFPs to hide or look away once people touch these triggers.
How Can INFP Overcome The Fright of Making Eye Contact?
Thankfully, not too long ago, I viewed this fear in a different light.
Do you remember the line, “Don’t be scared, you have nothing to hide”?
In INFP’s case, it’s the opposite. “You have everything to hide, you better be scared!”
Unfortunately, we feel guilty for the “crimes” no one actually cared about. Nonetheless, we feel small, ashamed, and desperate to keep them all hidden.
These reputation-tarnishing truths (regardless of how small) made us lower our heads.
But now, how can we change? What helps make the shift from a scaredy cat to an expressive one who fears nothing?
What beats the restraints caused by our Fe Villain and Te inferior?
I say, for INFPs, it all begins with little honesty about your life. And from there, watch it snowball into freedom and confidence.
How Does Honesty Improve Making Eye Contact With People?
Honesty and eye contact? Sounds far off. But please, hear me out.
You see, INFPs crave for authenticity. Yet, “authenticity” for them means they’re authentic to themselves (Fi dominant) but not necessarily to others (Fe Villain).
I say, we have to bridge that gap. At some point, we have to make peace between our personal morals (Fi) and social harmony (Fe).
If we want to face people, we have to assert our true selves to others, too, not lie just to please or manipulate how they see you.
They have to know who you are — the imperfections and all — for them to truly accept you.
Reveal yourself with honesty. It breaks our fear of being discovered.
Truly, little honesty trickles down into something bigger in our lives, like building courage and confidence.
Eyes truly are the windows to the soul— so what secrets and behaviors should we let go of to keep our heads held high and so we can start to see people eye to eye?
Here are a few examples when I chose to be more honest and revealed myself to people:
- Once, I feared people would see through my stupidity (Te inferior). Now, I’ve become more transparent about what I could and couldn’t do. So far, this action only opened the right doors for me. I don’t have to pretend to be a know-it-all anymore and tremble when my supervisor tests me. Honesty freed me from impostor syndrome.
- Also, instead of bottling up my emotions, resentment, or pain, I started speaking up even if it means pouring out my tears. People might call me a crybaby, but hey, I’m introducing who I really am. With this, I no longer avert my eyes when I’m disappointed or sad, when I’m happy or tired.
- I don’t have to say “I’m okay” when I’m not. Or pretend that I’m not hurt, when a situation’s obviously agonizing.
- From someone who was allergic to being pitied, I began admitting my self-deprecating thoughts to my friends, family, churchmates, and even co-workers. For them, I broke my walls down, and how amazing it is to have them in my abode, like a little counsel trying to solve my problem.
- From doing everything by myself, I finally dropped the independent façade and asked for help. And the help came.
These are the secret anguishes of my heart that I used to consider as weaknesses. But now that I’ve brought them to the light and let people see my vulnerabilities, it’s not actually that bad. Life’s been easier, to be honest.
And my, my. With no bitter secret to be ashamed of, you bet I was making eye contact for the first time.
If the fears hindered me from looking at people’s eyes, then beat those fears with honesty.
Now, I see people’s eyes without feeling anxious at all. I must say, their eyes can be breathtakingly kind and beautiful. Other times, they can be unsettling, sending shivers down your spine, too.
Regardless, eye contact is an adventure in itself.
Takeaway
Whatever you’re hiding—those secrets, fears, or flaws—I hope you make peace with them and let them out, little by little. It took me years to finally expose the fears I cradled so much, so I know it’s easier said than done.
Trust me, I’ve had my fair share of awkward, uncomfortable moments as I step out of my comfort zone.
But fight the instincts to hide away, anyway.
Show yourself. Expose yourself.
When you feel like hiding, fight the instinct and tell the story anyway.
I know you’d be drained. Of course, you’ll overthink the things you said. You might even think if you sounded arrogant, or if people thought you were stupid.
But for a while, please suck up the draining feeling. Recharge, and do it all over again when you’re ready.
Tell one story at a time. Ask for help, one person at a time. Share your thoughts, one friend at a time.
Tell your parents you love them, once in a while. Compliment others, once in a while.
Expose yourself, one secret at a time.
And once you have let go of everything that holds you back and can look into people’s eyes without one self-conscious thought, congratulate yourself.
Surely, that’s definitely an INFP milestone. 🙂
That’s it! I hope this gives you insights about why INFPs avoid eye contact, and how to overcome it. I know it went too deep but since this is how I changed myself, I’ll gladly share it with you.
Thanks for reading! 🙂
You may also like:
