Truly, life has a funny way of humbling us. Just when you think you know it all, life happens, obstacles come, and the things you once believed are now rendered outdated.
For a while, I accepted my common INFP behaviors as a basic template of who I am. While I thought I had already figured myself out as an INFP, the truth is, I still get eureka moments.
So when I noticed how some of these “INFP behaviors” hindered me from my potential, I have nowhere to go but challenge them and ask questions.
I once thought, “Ah! So, this is why my anger is too explosive. People better be careful.” But then, as I grew, I’d also question myself, “Why does my anger have to be a seething rage?”
What’s more, I know that making eye contact as an INFP feels like your soul’s being sucked out of your body. It’s anxiety-inducing. But yet again, why?
From there, I tried to build routines and habits, checking if I could get out of the INFP stereotype and see if the end of the tunnel’s a better version of myself.
I’m a self-improvement junkie, so why not?
So, in the past year, I’ve been busy. I went on a journey to work on a few of these behaviors, and in this post, I’ll share with you how it went.
Ready? Here we go!
4 Behaviors I “Fixed” As An INFP That Made Me More Confident
1. From Shying Away to Making Eye Contact
Looking into people’s eyes always made me feel in a haze. It feels like they’re looking straight into my soul, and I dislike that intimate feeling of being seen.
Along with my averting eyes, it was brought to my attention how I dart my eyes to the ground when walking in the streets. First, I noticed my INFP partner doing it, only to find out I was guilty of it, too.
After discussing this with my partner, we agreed to fix our posture. And so, shaping our “atomic habits” began.
With just a tiny upward tilt of my chin, I noticed how the world opened up as if I’d just woken up from sleep.
The perspective I saw seemed unfamiliar — seeing the bright blue sky in the same picture with people’s faces, the crowd was busy buying their afternoon merienda, with some teenagers strolling together and children biking around.
From there, I realized how trapped I was in my own little world, too preoccupied to notice the world unfolding around me.
For this reason, I journeyed to gradually fix my averting eyes.
I was like a hunter, trying to find the culprit that made my whole system tremble with eye contact. Thankfully, I pinpointed where this fear was coming from.
I’ve broken it down as the fear of being seen, dislike for attention, and extreme self-conscious tendencies.
The simple solution I used to fix my averting eyes was… honesty. You can read my story here how being more honest about our lives can actually heal the anxiety of making eye contact.
Indeed, the eyes are a window to the soul. It’s amazing to realize people could hold so much beauty and emotion in their eyes.
It made me feel at peace, knowing that I’m no longer hiding my eyes and myself and that, there’s bliss due to that freedom and this newborn confidence.
Related Post: 10 Biggest Fears of INFP Personality
2. I’ve Become… Ruthless! (I Mean, Expressive)
I used to keep my emotions all to myself. They’re ticking bombs waiting to blow up.
But now, at 28 years old, this behavior has taken a 180-degree turn. Goodness, you’d be surprised how much I’ve become expressive—like an ENFJ type of expressive. I have no more brakes with my stories.
I’ll tell everyone about my problems, hobbies, work, family life, and love life. I admit I overshare sometimes, but it’s the most liberating phase of my life yet.
Of course, it didn’t happen with a snap of a finger. I didn’t magically become extroverted and confident.
Instead, I worked on being more expressive. I fought myself — my thoughts, fears, and impulses — a lot. For a long time.
Long story short, I learned to change hats with our INFP cognitive functions.
See, INFPs have two primary judging functions: our Introverted Feeling (Fi) and Extraverted Thinking (Te) functions.
A strong moral standard is good, but it gets troubling when it amplifies an unnatural fear, which Fi does in the name of protecting ourselves. Sadly, an ungrounded emotional lens causes our irrational choices.
We sway right in the morning, but in the evening, we go left. I tell you, life gives me headaches when I base my choices solely on what I feel.
Meanwhile, our Te could provide balance by giving us a more objective foundation so we won’t be swayed by our ever-changing emotions.
And yep, that’s what I did — I cultivated my Te inferior and let my introverted Feeling take a break.
In every situation, I would carefully discern an objective reason and lean not on my personal biases.
I did tasks that Extraverted Thinking loves—reading resources, following how-tos, looking for logical explanations, and so on.
The more I cling to my Te as the main judging function, the less my Fi interferes, and I could produce smoother conclusions.
Thanks, Mr. Te!
Noticeably, the more I ground myself on objective facts and follow procedures, the less I base my decisions on emotions.
With Te, my anger, disappointment, or irritation are more justified and realistic. My sensitivity has thinned out; I’m more compelled to examine how people perform the objectives, and not how it made me feel. I’ve become more straightforward.
The result? I no longer keep resentment in my heart because I’ve already expressed them the moment I see them.
Here are a few situations where leaning to Te saved me from needless arguments.
Example 1: Anniversary Day
Faulty Fi judgment: *Why didn’t he buy me a gift. It’s our anniversary. Did he forget it? I’ll remember this my whole life (sob, sob)*
Straightforward Te judgment: “Woah, it’s our anniversary today, what’d you get me? None? So, what’s the plan?”
Example 2: Tasks and Obligations
Faulty Fi judgment: *Accepts a task then complains* “I don’t like how they’re forcing these obligations on me. (sob)”
Straightforward Te judgment: “I’d have to pass. I’ve got other work to do.”
See? INFPs can be Thinkers too. If you’re wondering how it feels like to live as a Te user, I shared my story here.
My INFP partner is currently dealing with Te overdrive, too. From someone who feels and was distracted a lot, he’s like a machine now, working two jobs for the sake of our goals. He has become unstoppable.
Not to mention, he’s lecturing me a lot now whenever I’m complaining about my teaching job. He’d say, “But you made that choice, remember?”
See, he puts me back on track and has become ruthless, too! Lol.
3. From Being A Loner To Actively Seeking Friendships
As an introvert, the 2020 quarantine felt like a dream come true—time alone to reflect, work, and recharge. I loved it! For the first few years of working from home, I thrived.
But by year four, that same solitude began to feel suffocating.
I… felt so alone. Four years was probably my maximum capacity for alone time.
So, last year, 2024, I decided to step out of my comfort zone and seek connection.
I took a teaching job—not to advance my career but to meet people. My partner looked at me funny because the reason for my job made me look desperate for friends.
Jokes on him because I am!
I also joined a church ministry to strengthen my faith and gather with others. Again, this woman needs to meet people!
For the first time, I intentionally sought friendships, and I chuckle when I realize that the amount of time I ran away from people before was the same amount I’m trying to stick to people now.
This experience taught me that friendships don’t always need to be deep to be meaningful. Sometimes, you just need to… talk. Be more appreciative of the casual conversations.
Since I mentioned how I’ve become more expressive, it became easier to make friends.
You don’t make deep friendships on a whim; you first have to introduce yourself, get to know someone, and then seek common ground.
If you become close, then great. If not, still great.
Casual conversations with students, advice from seniors, and shared struggles with peers taught me things my years of solitude couldn’t. A little interaction showered me with perspectives I couldn’t have realized myself.
Truth is, I need people. INFPs need people.
I guess the deep connection is not only about sharing your deepest secrets with someone.
Rather, it’s also about sharing valuable information with people that helps you thrive in life, learning from the experienced ones, helping each other, and watching the different walks of life thrive in society differently.
Human connection is so beautiful. I didn’t like having regrets, but somehow, I could say that I regret running away from people back then instead of cultivating friendships. I lost some good friends.
4. From Whispers, I Volumed Up
Speaking softly was my default.
But the problem is that it’s often reduced to a mumble, making my family shout, “HUH?” “HAAAH?” “HAAAAH?” which could either mean a genuine “What?” or a “One-more-and-I’ll-throw-my-slippers-at-you” kind of what.
I know it’s kinda ironic. I want to relay a message but I’ll also make sure that nobody else hears me. I might look like passing on confidential information when I’m only asking for a piece of paper.
This is one problem I didn’t immediately notice about myself — that often, people can’t hear me, my words would trail off, my sentences incomplete, and then I would expectantly hope the other person caught on what I was saying.
That’s probably why I love my INFJ friends who easily get me; they finish my sentences and thoughts for me. Lol.
But, of course, I went down a rabbit hole and realized it was the same as my fear of making eye contact. I was hiding my words in the same way I was averting my eyes. It was fear.
Trying to counter it, I consciously practiced two things: speaking in complete sentences and saying them loud without a care who listens.
You think it’s easy? I can do that during lessons, but one-on-one conversations are a bit different. I’ve been in my head for so long that sometimes, putting my thoughts into words isn’t as easy as imagining them.
My normal speaking volume was 30, but now I have adjusted to around 70 out of 100. My voice is booming in the room, and I like it.
I practiced openly sharing my plans at home, as well as, setting boundaries and asserting my independence. At work, church, and in social settings, I take my time to express my thoughts fully, ensuring my words are clear and complete.
Now, my voice has grown louder—not only in volume but in confidence. I’ve reclaimed my space in conversations. And yep—it feels empowering!
There you go! I truly hope these insights resonate with you and help in your own journey.
I hope that my experience in tackling common INFP behaviors could be of help to you when reflecting on the fears that might be holding you back, too.
Thanks for reading! 🙂
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