While being in a relationship is a common aspect of human life, we can’t deny that, ugh, it’s so hard to make it work!
We could say that frequent misunderstandings cause relationships to fall apart. But do you know what causes such painful and scarring arguments?
The emotional disconnect.
Unfortunately, many lacked emotional maturity, and that’s why the gap grows over time.
Emotional maturity simply means you’re aware of your emotions and can express them in the best way that healthily copes with the situation.
Sadly, many couples can’t express themselves properly.
Pride reigns over understanding. Sometimes, they lean on sarcasm rather than being more direct. They resent rather than speak about their dislikes.
That’s why in this post, I’ll share with you 7 ways to become emotionally mature in a relationship and avoid such emotional distance.
Ready to strengthen the bonds with your partner?
Here we go:
7 Ways To Be Emotionally Mature in a Relationship
1. Don’t interrupt your partner when they’re speaking.
If you want to be in a healthy relationship, the first thing a couple should learn is to pause and hold their tongue. This probably is one of the hardest but most crucial parts of being in a relationship.
Instead of trying to lecture your partner over their rants and behaviors, pause for a while and actively listen. Don’t interrupt. Rather, wait for your turn.
Although you’re itching to burst into anger and throw out the harshest words in an argument, you have to halt and think to yourself, “is your partner’s words reaching you?”
Is your point getting across to your partner?
Maybe, the reason why you both can’t communicate well is you’re more interested in what you want to say, rather than understanding your partner’s thoughts.
You see, it’s okay to disagree. But make sure you learn to compromise. Don’t interrupt them, don’t raise your voice, and don’t use hurtful language.
Do it every time, and you’ll see how your change can reciprocate in your partner. The more you take time to listen to them, the more they will listen to you, too.
2. You don’t have to “test” your partner.
“You disagreed with me, huh? Then you won’t hear from me — ever.”
“I’ll really get mad if he forgets our wedding anniversary.”
One of the signs of an emotionally immature relationship is leaving your partner confused about what you really want.
As mentioned above, you have to pause, listen, and communicate with your partner. Express your feelings.
If your partner surprises you with gifts, that’s great. But if you think your partner is not the type to remember occasions, save yourself from arguments and mention that you want a gift.
You see, when you have expectations, but kept your partner guessing, it doesn’t only build frustrations in them, but also resentment in you. To keep a healthy relationship, you must constantly bridge the emotional gap.
What’s more, don’t test your partner using the standards you see on social media, your friends, or your neighbors. Who knows what happens with them in real life.
Rather, test their consistency with the words, actions, support, and care. What’s their love language? How consistent are they with you?
So to things you want, state it clearly. It’s better to be heard, rather than misunderstood.
3. Be conscious of how your partners feel about your words.
Conversing with your partner will make a huge difference when you use “I” statements rather than “You” statements.
Instead of saying, “You never follow what I say,” why not say, “I want to be part of your decisions.”
Instead of saying, “You’re always busy,” try saying, “I want to spend time with you.
The goal is the same, but try to deliver it with more compassionate words. Avoid raising your voice or blaming them.
Remember, a person who’s held in contempt has more tendency to react negatively. Instead of having a conversation, trying to accuse or blame them forces them to be defensive.
So next time, be more mindful of how you say your words.
4. Never dismiss your partner’s emotions.
I know there are times when you’re tired and don’t have the energy to deal with your partner’s rants, clinginess, drama, or whatever you may call it.
However, it doesn’t mean you can dismiss their emotions. Dismiss them once, and they may let it slide.
However, if you do this frequently enough, they will start to pull away.
When you don’t validate their feelings, they may instead find someone who does. A study has analyzed how serious relationships could still commit cheating — specifically emotional cheating — due to anger, lack of love, and neglect.
Remember, although a partner promises to go with you through thick and thin, truth is, relationships are conditional.
It’s an exchange.
That said, you have to do your part to make a relationship work.
5. Speak about your emotional triggers.
Understand your triggers, and share them with your partner to avoid potential arguments.
If you’re triggered when your partner brings back a past mistake you’ve already apologized for, tell it. If it triggers you when your partner speaks too loud, then let them know it.
It’s important to set healthy boundaries in a relationship.
However, you should also realize if it’s a trigger that needs to be worked on your part. For example, if you get jealous when your partner hangs out with their friends, ask yourself, do their friends pose a threat in your relationship? Or is it your insecurity kicking in?
Process your emotions. Work, along with your partner, to overcome your triggers and anxiety.
6. Don’t keep a record of wrongs.
How difficult is it to argue about new issues when your partner brings back your mistake from 5 years ago?
Ahh, bringing back the past. Do you know what’s hard about bringing it back? It never expires unless forgotten. Who knows when its validity ends?
You see, love doesn’t keep a record of wrongs. Anyone who keeps a tally of your mistakes, and slaps it back to your face when the time comes doesn’t love. It’s resentment all along.
That’s why you should never leave an argument unresolved because it grows into bitterness. And that becomes a painful memory you or your partner can never let go of.
When you forgive, it should be true. Never dig it up again. But more importantly, learn from it. The same mistake should never be repeated.
7. Fill yourself, before you love others.
Yes, love the person. However, many people could come up with their own definitions of “love.” To others, it’s about being with the person you love all the time and giving them your all.
However, with this kind of love, I’ve seen people become so irrational.
When you give your all to a partner and leave nothing for yourself, the moment that person is gone, you go crazy.
Some people lose their senses and become disillusioned, completely disregarding any advice and the truth, hoping their partner will return.
That’s not love, but self-destruction. And obviously, it’s not emotional maturity.
Being emotionally mature means, you can manage your emotions despite the ups and downs in your relationship.
So if you want a healthy relationship, never pour from an empty cup. You can’t pour all your time and love into someone else when you lack trust, confidence, and security in yourself.
Don’t let your partner fill the hole in you. Work on filling yourself with love first, rather than waiting for somebody else to give you that happiness and fulfillment.
Conclusion
Emotional maturity is important to cultivate in a relationship.
It’s important to remember that achieving emotional maturity takes time and effort, and seeking support when needed is okay. As you grow emotionally mature, words get through your partner easier. Mutual respect is established. And last but not least, it builds a strong foundation — a relationship built on security, maturity, and understanding.
That’s it. I hope this gave you insights to better your relationship with your partners.
Thanks for reading!
-M.Mathias
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